DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO PEAS

the peas might congeal
drop them in bit by bit
sometimes It’s not so easy
not to fry up clumpy shit

INGREDIENTS

frozen peas (about 1 or 1.5 cups)
1 cup beer (you were supposed to use a light beer. all i had was a bell's two hearted, which is an IPA, so i wound up having to use a bit more than a cup to get a reasonably liquid batter. worked out fine though)
1 cup flour
some canola oil


METHOD

1. mix beer with flour to make tempura batter.
2. heat canola oil in a pot until almost boiling.
3. dip peas in tempura batter. fish them out with a slotted spoon and your fingers. drop them, one or two at a time, into the hot oil.
4. don't stand too close to the peas as they deep-fry. really! the hot oil splashes when you drop the peas in and it could burn you or stain your t-shirt.


5. remove peas from oil with slotted spoon.
6. serve with soy sauce.


i thought this recipe was going to be disgusting, but once i added the soy sauce, it was hard to stop snacking on these peas!

if / when i make it again, i would add wasabi powder to the batter to add some spice. as it was, the peas were a little sweet and bland. the soy sauce helped, though.

make up your own words in your head:

HERE COME THE "PAIN"BIRDS

goddamn syrup's so very sweet
widely used but can be beat
try jam

INGREDIENTS

3 slices whole wheat bread (as you probably know, "pain" means bread in french. i'm thinking french bread would be a classy touch here)
2 eggs
sugar
cinnamon


METHOD:

1. cut bread into bird shapes. i cut separate heads and bodies, which made things easier, because i don't have the greatest knives.


2. beat eggs. add a bit of sugar and cinnamon.


3. dredge bread shapes in egg mixture. let sit for a couple minutes.
4. heat a bit of oil in a pan over med heat. put bread shapes in the pan. when they brown, flip 'em and cook the other sides.

5. take the bird parts out of the pan and trim the excess egg bits off. you can use those to create legs.

HERE THEY COME!!


MAKE UP YOUR OWN WORDS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKflFTF4qoU

EGGSPRESSWAY TO YR SKULL

mystery plate, with ketchup or plain

INGREDIENTS:

2 eggs
3 strips fake bacon
salt
sliced cheese (I used swiss)


METHOD:

1. beat eggs.
2. add a pinch of salt.
3. put bacon in the microwave for however long it says on the package.
4. put a small pan over med - hi heat with a bit of oil in it.
5. cook the egg so that it makes a thin layer. when it's still kind of half liquid, sort of paint it on in the shape of a road, receding into the distance.


6. then when it gets firmer, trim it to the proper shape with the edge of the spatula.
7. the bacon should be cooked and pliable by now. cut the red part into crossbones, and cross the crossbones. then find some white parts to look like eyes, and position appropriately.
8. fold and tear the edge of a piece of sliced cheese and break the strip into little elongated rectangles. place these along the road to create dashed white lines.



BONE appetit!


MAKE UP NEW LYRICS IN YOUR HEAD:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHJ-UCOXGbY